David M. Brown's Blog

October 26, 2010

Hire me as a copy editor. Sample edit: Gigaom on NOOKColor

Filed under: Editorial services,Language and grammar,Writing — davidmbrowndotcom @ 11:33 pm

Here is a Gigaom.com writer talking about the recently announced NOOKColor: “The device has tremendous potential in terms of being able to compete with other Android tablets coming to market, even without apps.” This sentence is wordy. Moreover, the phrase “even without apps” is a dangling modifier. It is intended to modify the noun “device [i.e., the NOOKcolor],” but because of its position functions instead as an adverb phrase that modifies “coming to market,” which is what “other Android tablets” are doing. Of course, most or all of these “other Android tablets” will be coming to market with apps. My revision: “Even without apps, the device promises to be highly competitive with other Android tablets coming to market.” That’s 17 words instead of 22 words, and doesn’t require the reader to perform any special grammatical detective work to find out what the sentence says. To learn more about my copy-editing sevices, email me or visit my web page editingwrite.com.


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